Say what you need to say?

I took a bus yesterday to Blantyre. It's a 4 hour trip through some of the most rural parts of Malawi. Small roads + large bus + many people+goats and other animals = an interesting ride. It made me think of something that Jim Miller said last December when I was on the Dakota 38 ride...(www.dakota38.com) He'd say, "And if anyone knows of something that's going to go wrong, let us know NOW, don't hold it in, wait for something to go wrong and then say a day later, I knew that was going to happen"...Basically if you know something's going to happen and you have an opportunity to say something, say what you need to say...I'd thought about that as he said and completely agreed. I actually know there are times for whatever reason I did not say something. Whether it was out of respect for an elder, fear of hurting someone, not being sure if I was right, I kept my thoughts to myself.

This is a tricky thing I know, but I feel I've been getting better at this over time. This has hit me square in the face over the time that I'm here. I anticipated myself sitting in the bus yesterday saying so much, helping the bus driver, being on a edge during what I thought would be a nice but dangerous drive. (the driving is pretty poor here) I envisioned that last week when I went to visit my new friend Roderick and his family in a nearby town. Roderick is the man who works at the gate at the house that I'm staying at in Lilongwe. He's 33 years old, born a few days earlier than me. He has 4 children, his first wife just died of Malaria 2 months ago. He has a new wife. He's a nice man. His living space is small. Way to small for 6 people. It was dusk, one candle lit the room and for all of my experiences, all of the things that I could say, ways I thought of helping, there was nothing that I could do. I bought a large juice, some crispy snacks and we sat. We talked with his family about soccer, music, family, and I did my standard being a goofy guy thing for the kids. I've found that to be my biggest asset here in Malawi. When I see things that are difficult to see, things that I feel should change, and I feel powerless to do so, I try to make a child laugh. The pulling of the finger with a fart noise is a universal winner, doing a wonky chicken dance works, as does coupling animal noises with funny faces. Of course the hand shake into the "ow you're strong" in reference to the kids handshake is a go to for sure...All of this in replacement for the aforementioned "say what I need to say"...When I'm in a dark room with Roderick and his family and Junior the 4 year old spills juice all over himself and the dark floor, I want to say "let's clean that up"...But nobody flinches, nobody says a word. This is not my house, I keep quiet. I'm a walking contradiction with this.

I say I agree with say what you need to say, but then realize there are situations and times when there's nothing to say. Roderick is my age with a completely different experience. I've lived an extremely fortunate life. He has a difficult time feeding his family month to month. I'm going on Safari next week and paying what for me is a small amount of money, but would be enough for his family to live on for 4 months. Food, lodging, appliances. We're the same age. What can I say. There's so many things I want to say. How can this be? Yes, it's true, I've seen poverty in my life. I've heard it in political speeches and even realized, "there's a HUGE gap in the world between the haves and the have nots" (financially speaking that is)...I've said this. I've now also experienced it for myself. What do you do with that? We're the same age. By my own lofty standards in the US, I make very little money at this point in my life. I have a small studio in New Jersey, try to keep my expenses to a minimum, by my standards I don't have a lot of money. I'm kidding myself. I'm rich, I'm rich in so many ways. I have money to travel for 4 months around the world, I have money to eat, I have a bank account. If something goes terribly wrong I have family and friends who have money who could help me out. I know this, this is my safety net. I'm rich in so many ways. Roderick is doing this himself. There's nothing I can say.

Last thing I'll say. We're all rich in other ways, in our own way. Family, love, community, spiritually. When you love someone, you love someone. Even if you haven't heard from that person, seen them, touched them, if your wife has just passed away, you've lost a child, there's things that we'd all like to say. Often times we don't get the chance, often times there's not an opportunity to say what you need to say. Say it anyway, say it to yourself, say it to the sky, let that person know that you love them, that there's not a day that goes by that you don't think of them and wonder what they're doing. Then when the time is right and the fates put you in a position to say what you need to say, you'll have thought about it and know what to say. Silence speaks volumes.

The world is not always pretty, situations aren't always what we'd like them to be. Sometimes we get to say exactly what we'd like to say and we feel like a success. I'm finding that even if we don't get to say what we need to say, that doesn't mean we've failed. It's just may not be the time to say what you need to say.